for dana [IV] or, Gemini

under a cut, not because it’s long, but because it’s weird.

I knew a Gemini once. Something wrong in his veins was killing him from the day he was born, June 12th. Twin brother whose name started with J, Jacob, maybe, or Jonathan, spelled Jonathon? Spelled Jon, spelled John, spelled Johnny, spelled Jim, Jimmy, Josh, Joey, Jared, Jake, Jeremy, Jsomething. Jem? Gemini named Jem.

The first one, the dying one, his name was Gabriel, and he had a mop of orange hair that was nothing like an angel’s.

I knew a Gemini once, and I say “knew” because I didn’t see him for a good five years. But when it was time for him to die, I went to the hospice with a drab sympathy card and a bundle of flowers.

I glanced around for that flaming hair and what I saw was Gabriel kissing his nurse - a male nurse - freckled fingers clutching the man’s neck, veins protruding like water balloons. Someone to my left cleared their throat. I looked over: Jem was sprawled in a folding chair, watching his brother with apprehensive eyes. I walked to his side and offered what I’d brought.

“He’s not gay,” Jem informed me, taking the card and the flowers. “He’s just dying.”

“Sorry?”

“I said, man, he’s not gay, he’s just dying.”

“I heard you, I just…”

“Always said he wanted to feel everything before “departure” or “release”, or any one of his stupid euphemisms. God, he could never even say die, it was always something prettier than that.”

“Um.”

“What’s so pretty about having your veins swell up into sausages?” Jem peeled his eyes from his brother, still kissing the nurse, and appealed me. “What do you think?”

“I don’t really know. It doesn’t sound too pretty.”

“Yeah. It’s not.” He shrugged. “Sorry. I get a little angry, just sitting here watching him feel everything.”

Gabriel finally let go of the nurse and fell back into his pillows, exhausted. The nurse patted his hand and walked away. He passed us, meeting my eyes for a split second, and I saw something really shaken in his face. I don’t think it was kissing a guy that did it, so much as kissing someone with an expiration date.

“Are the nurses even allowed to do that?”

“Damn it if I know. They just like to humor him. Dying Gemini, you know? It’s still a while until June, and they’re giving him maybe two weeks.”

“Doesn’t seem right.”

Jem shot me an angry look. “No, you know what’s not right? My brother’s not going to live to be eighteen, and I am. Okay? He’s never gonna have a wife - or a husband, or whatever he’s into by now, and I. Fucking. Am. That’s not right. Just ‘cause his blood and his body decided to fail, I’m gonna be a twin without a twin. So if my brother wants to kiss a nurse, let him kiss a nurse.”

I shrugged. Gabriel was sleeping now, and he didn’t look old enough to die, but how is anybody who wants to live old enough to die?

“I’m sorry, Jem. I really am.”

“Jem? I’m not Jem, I’m Gabriel. He’s Jem.” Shaking his head, Gabriel pushed himself out of the folding chair and walked away.