an explanation

an explanation of this, because it makes no fucking sense.

oh god if you read this you must really love me. here we go.

1. title:
   this; or, this
2. “we played it on the moon in 1969”
   my music teacher said this once in class, about some song that i now can’t remember the name of.
3. “he has laura’s voice”
   the movie brick features nora zehetner as laura dannon, and she has a wonderful soft blue voice. she was also the inspiration for this.
4. “she wants you, and is it wrong to say
   she wants to be you, too?”
   i.e., how i feel about every boy i have ever been attracted to ever
5. “that’s the ugliest fuckin’ smile
   i’ve ever seen.”
   boy named cole sat next to me in math last term. whenever he smiled, i wanted to punch something.
6. “would you let me call you Pixie if i asked?”
   girl named rachel in my writing club, she’s small and blonde and lovely and the first time i saw her there she was wearing a Pixies t-shirt. i didn’t know her name for a few weeks.
7. “it’s not your name but your bones still
   hurt when i hug you”
   rachel, daughter of the family friend, who’s starving herself. or maybe it’s jennifer.
8. “she tells us how to memorize
   kingdom, phylum, class…”
   kindly please come over for gay sex
9. “when she turned to write it on the board, i choked:
   smelled fish, but we were nowhere near the sea.”
   olfactory hallucination.
   i think.